NEWSFLASH - 5th July 2008

Singapore Icon Spins Out of Control
Many S'poreans sent flying. Drunk uni students say "not fast enough".


Dramatic image captured by amateur photographer Mr. synapseman, who just happened to be at the right place at the right time.

SINGAPORE - Barely three months after its opening on 15th April 2008, the iconic Singapore landmark, the Singapore Flyer, ran into some problems, resulting in the first fatality on this ride. An unidentified man was thrown out of his cabin, after failing to heed warning signs against sticking your body out of the window. Officials called it a "technical glitch". Investigations revealed that operators at the control room had flipped the control lever to an unauthorised level, just to see what would happen. The control dial apparently has 4 settings: STOP, SLOW, NORMAL SPEED and "WARNING: DO NOT TURN LEVER HERE". When contacted, one of the control room operators (speaking on condition of anonymity) said, "We always knew of the "4th setting", but we were never told what it does. We were only told not to turn the lever there, without any further explanation."

Several visitors were flung about in the cabins, some were reported to have been stuck against the walls for almost 2 minutes, and a few of them passed out. Professor Tangent Squared from the Singapore University Physics Department explains that due to the angular velocity of the cabin, each person might have encountered anywhere between four to nine times the gravitational pull on their bodies. Other passengers complained of nausea and one lady broke her high heeled shoe. One irate passenger, known only as Mr. Tan, said, "Why did they allow the flyer to go so fast? The government should put in place speed limits on all such rides, and ever since the Mas Selamat incident, there must be checks and balances regarding operational and safety procedures." Another passenger, Mrs. Lim echoed Mr. Tan's sentiments, adding: "After so many cases of school bus accidents, the government now makes it mandatory for seat belts to be used. I think it's high time the government install seatbelts on the Flyer, because during school holidays, there will be many children going on this ride."

However, not all were perturbed by the incident. A group of visiting Australian university students were having a party in one of the cabins. Some did not realise anything amiss, and thought the spinning effect was due to excessive alcohol consumption. John Smith, 22, engineering student, said, "When I saw the Singapore skyline go all blurry, I thought I had one stubbie too many." Several thought that the ride was not fast enough, citing examples of the rides at Gold Coast, Queensland to be a lot more exciting. However, they did concede that the view was nothing short of amazing. Final-year medical student Jenny Dawson remarked, "It's quite awesome seeing the city lights at night, and how the buildings seem to bend and warp from where we were standing."

Singapore Touristy Association president Mr. Wong XY assured the public that full investigations are underway to determine the cause of this incident. A panel has also been set up to study if the Singapore Flyer should be slowed down, or made to go faster.